Bellows

Be the bellows of my soul.

Be the bellows in my soul.

Be the push and the blow that reconciles gaining with letting go,

releasing while receiving.

 

Be the reason that hope lives in tears.

Be the One who steers

the rudder of my soul

when the waves crash up against the sea

when I cry out like another one of Your disciples, “Jesus, are You still with me?”

and shake my head in anguish

because what I thought I knew has begun to panic

because the rug I thought was magic

was really only compounding static

moving, but lacking in purpose

so so much of what I thought I knew was just white noise rehearsing

to solicit my daze and and my attention

and blind my gaze and my vision

so I could look, but I couldn’t see

not with so many lies staring back at me.

The road was bleak, but I couldn’t even tell.

My eyes were weak

like under a spell

 

and then You bellowed. . .

 

and the attachment to lies not only mellowed

but ceased really fast

and I quickly turned my gaze to the One who will last.

 

and then You bellowed. . .

 

and my walls fell down and I prayed prayers I had been afraid to utter

but this time when I prayed I bellowed them loudly even with a stutter

but You let me know that that didn’t matter because I had finally opened up the shutter

of my heart that had been so reclusive

 

and then You bellowed. . .

 

and all I wanted to give You was access that was inclusive

I no longer wanted to pretend You hadn’t seen my mess.

Yeah, but not just seen it, but You were it.

That cross that You carried was when you bore it.

Why was I pretending I needed to hide and store it?

I take a selah and a lean back.

I rest my chin in my hands to a future flashback.

 

That’s how You’ve won me.

I was Yours before I was here.

You saw me even before I could see clear.

Talk about a dead man walking, I was dead while acting alive

and that’s when You chose to die for me—check out Romans 5.

You didn’t give up Your life when I surrendered mine;

You sacrificed Yours even when I acted like things were just fine.

 

You saw mess and fell in love.

I felt love and decided to run.

You saw me and said, “Ah, My Bride!”

I saw You and chose to hide.

You saw love.

I screamed in fear.

You saw marriage.

I drew tears

because Your closeness was just so much.

I didn’t think I was worthy of such

unconditional love and affection

not with my blatant attempt to turn our marriage into separation

but You thought of that too,

deciding that neither death nor life

could separate me from You.

Check out Romans 8:32.

 

and then You bellowed. . .

and stole my heart from senseless attractions.

 

You bellowed. . .

and now I’m wondering what took me so long to give You all of my satisfaction.

 

You bellowed . . .

and blew life into me.

 

You bellowed. . .

and it’s only by Your Breath that I can give you my heart so sincerely.

Anita Scott

Anita Scott

Poet & Perfromer at Anita Scott
Poetry has always been a second language for Anita. She has performed at local slam poetry and spoken word events. Now, the door is opening for her poetry in small groups and on stages around the United States where she has already shared the same mic with Micah Bournes and Amena Brown Owen. Her poems "Mary Go Round" and "Tears for the Motherland" clearly express Anita’s heart for justice regarding gender and racial reconciliation. People who have seen her perform all attest to the same thing: she is unforgettable.

Anita is also part of Ambassadors Alliance International, a passionate team of people who go into impoverished areas to assess their needs and provide help in the form of food, medical supplies, clothing, education, and job-training that will lead to self-sustainable change.
Anita Scott

Latest posts by Anita Scott (see all)

  • I love it when a poem makes connections like this! I can tell this is going to be in my head for a long time.

    • Anita Annette Scott

      Ah wow thank you Michele. Thank you! Bless you sister!

  • I still can’t believe how lucky we are to have you! Thank you for your willingness to join us and share your words with us. I love it and can’t wait to read more!!

    • Anita Annette Scott

      Tammy – I have no words, my sister and friend. I can’t believe He gave me a new poem for this month. Who would have thought it? Ha! You probably did, but I wasn’t sure and BOOM! He submerged me in His presence and let me hear His thoughts. I still shake my head. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to share my rhythmic experiences with Him. Love you friend!

  • Oh my goodness. I read it first and that was powerful. But then I listened and I had chills throughout over and over again. I could feel His Presence and the difference it makes in a life, in MY life. This is just. stunning.

    • Anita Annette Scott

      That’s what happened to me the night I wrote it. I had chills, but mostly I wept. I could barely even write. His presence was overwhelming and sweet. Thank you for listening and reading Nicole. Thank you! Thank you!

  • Wow! That was powerful! I watched and read together, but mostly watched. Your expressions demonstrate so clearly what you are feeling and it passes on to your listeners. It reminds us we don’t need to hide, that God loved us before we even knew and calls us to be His bride. What amazing love! Thank you for sharing your talents, Anita! So glad you are here.

    • Anita Annette Scott

      Ahhhhhh Gayl, thank you so much. I am so glad that I am here as well. God is so good, isn’t he. Hears our requests when we are too timid to make them. What a joyful pleasure to be a part of this. Bless you my sister and thank you for your sweet encouragement.

  • Natalie Hart

    Yes. Yes. Yes. The double-use of “bellows” and “bellowed” is something I’ll be thinking about for a long time. Given that I’m 4 months into the end of a 21-year marriage, the first four lines are speaking to me big time. Thank you for this poem.

    • Anita Annette Scott

      Oh Natalie, sweet friend and sister. Please know you will be on my heart. Wow! How pure for you to share your heart. I am blown away. Sis, as Holy Spirit brings you to mind, I will honor Him and speak your name for healing grace and joy in the journey. Healing for you in the journey. Peace in the journey. A friend once told me, “You can grieve at 100% and rejoice at 100%.” Isn’t that like God? He holds our tears and at the same time rejoices because He knows that He is taking care of everything. Am praying that Psalms 62:7 will be your portion: “That He will instruct your mind in the night.”

  • Terri

    I watched and cried, I watched again. These lines…

    “because what I thought I knew has begun to panic
    because the rug I thought was magic
    was really only compounding static”

    I had the rug pulled out from under me recently and its absence will be good – but I thought what I had built upon was stable, like a magic rug. Clearing relationships of static is painful. Thank you for the gift of your heart. My words fall short, but thank you.

    • Anita Annette Scott

      Terri, your candidness and vulnerability are refreshing. Truly refreshing. Thank you. Inside scoop Terri – the presence of God was so strong when I wrote this poem, I could barely write. I wept as I wrote line by line. It’s like God was detoxing me, purifying me. He had chosen that night to provide such sweet revelation that I couldn’t do anything but cry. I was a mess. The tears were obviously, as you so clearly said it, a bit painful. Thank you for sharing a piece of your experience.

  • Love this line: “and then You bellowed. . .
    and the attachment to lies not only mellowed
    but ceased really fast
    and I quickly turned my gaze to the One who will last.”

    Lovely words and your speaking of them moves.

    • Anita Annette Scott

      Ah Christiana, thank you for taking the time to articulate how you were blessed by a gift from the Holy Spirit. Thank you so much. You blessed me and encouraged me.

  • Anita Annette Scott

    Lisa, are you for real?? That was poetic my friend. Deep and poetic. Wow! I’m not kidding when I say thank you for saying that. Thanks for taking the time to say that. That blesses me.