Do you see me Lord?
I feel alone and forgotten at times.
Misunderstood.
Invisible.
The world continues its rotation
spinning, spinning even faster these days.
A whirling top that will surely tumble.
Am I just a speck on this twirling planet?
Do you really see me from above?
Your word says, Yes.
A prophet, Isaiah, spoke these words long ago:
These are the ones I look on with favor:
Those who are humble and contrite in spirit,
And who tremble at my word.
Isaiah 66:2
You see me, humble and contrite with a broken spirit.
You look upon me with favor.
Not only look, but regard.
Not only regard, but look intently.
The word Isaiah uses here in Hebrew means:
to look at and see.
How I long to be seen, even in my most wretched, broken place.
I don’t want to hide the broken pieces.
Instead, I scatter them before you, at your feet, so that you can heal.
So that you can comfort.
The word humble in Hebrew means:
poor, afflicted, humble, lowly.
Even in my lowest state, Lord.
You see me.
The word contrite in Hebrew means:
Maimed, dejected, smitten in the feet.
(The same word used to describe Jonathan as crippled in the feet).
At times I can barely get up, Lord.
Barely stand, much less take a step to walk forward.
In those moments I feel crippled Lord,
You see me.
You saw her.
The fallen, broken woman.
You stooped down
before her, the sinner.
Who was forced to stand before the righteous pharisees
in the middle of the holy temple courts.
You saw her.,
then You stooped down and wrote on the ground with your finger
You took the position of kneeling down
tracing circles into the dirt.
Not the heaven where you were found
but the very dirt of the earth where you were sent
This is humility.
You emptied himself
YOU MADE YOURSELF NOTHING.
To feel,
empathize,
carry
the pain of another.
You were silent then.
You had no words against her.
Yet your very words
of power and might
make me tremble, revere, and fear.
Fear, not in the way that traps and hinders,
but in a sense of awe of your greatness.
Your power.
Your mercy.
Your judgement.
I should be bending low
before you.
For these same words that evoke fear and reverence
are the very words that will heal
and empower me
to stand once again.
To stand in humility,
trembling in awe of your great, great love for me
and others left crippled and maimed by the hurts of this world.
Even in my lowest state,
You beckon me
to draw near to your Word.
To feast on your Word.
To consume your Word.
I tremble at the very thought that
You see me.
And am humbled
and grateful
that you do.
Places she has been published include The Wonder Years: 40 Women Over 40 on Aging, Faith, Beauty, and Strength, Ruminate Magazine, redbudwritersguild.com, fathommagazine.com, thewritelaunch.com, and mudroomblog.com. Follow her on Instagram @vinabmogg.
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Thanks for sharing this beautiful, human experience of feelngs.
Carole
Carole, I am grateful that you connected to these words, and they felt like an experience to you!. Thank you for reading!