Because of you, I yearn to be alive.Because of you, ‘till death (you) must realize.In my heart I know there is only you.And ask my heart, you’ll know that this is true. Ang hirap at pasakit, ng pusong umiibig (Tagalog): The pain and sorrows from love arise Each time I say goodbye to my […]
She knocks on the front door, but she really didn’t have to. I saw her crouching there a few days ago. I can feel her presence before she announces herself. I didn’t invite her; she simply comes. She isn’t a respecter of persons; she visits you, too. She visits us all. Sometimes, I feel […]
“I just wanted you to know I hear you. I see you.” I received this voice message from a friend in response to a long, rambling complaint I sent the day before. “In walking with people through grief and loss, I’ve recognized how powerless I am to rescue anyone, said Aubrey Sampson. “And I’ve been […]
Walk slowly along the path this morning. Listen to the soft collapse of dry earth and loosened rocks under the wasted rubber soles of shoes deeply imprinted by the bones of tired feet.. The pathway and the riverbed are dry today. Dry rocks, like Elijah’s dry bones, cry out for water, for life – for […]
My father and I had stopped at his office so he could pick up a few things before his flight for his business trip. We were in no rush—his flight didn’t leave until after 1pm. We planned to get some breakfast in town before leaving for the airport. He stood looking at some papers while […]
I know it’s coming, but I’m not prepared. Fill in the blank with “it.” It could be dinnertime each day. I’m not prepared to answer the daily question, “What’s for dinner?” “It” could be the next difficult season up ahead, or it could the wildest season of joy. Why do I assume it will […]
“I’m gonna need you to sing a little louder,” Paul said with a flirtatious grin. “Or I’ll have to move you closer so I can hear you.” He grabbed the sides of my chair and gently pulled me forward until my body filled the space between his long, bony legs. He softly picked the tune […]
After the success of Tish Harrison Warren’s bestseller, Liturgy of the Ordinary, her new book, Prayer in the Night comes out January 26. Combination memoir, rich theological work, and cultural commentary, this book is truly remarkable. It is about the very real and common human struggle with theodicy (the problem of evil) and anxiety in […]
The klaxon sound of the motion detector alarm rouses me unceremoniously. My adrenaline is immediately pumping. I narrowly miss stepping on the dog in her little bed as I rush to get to mom’s bedroom. I need to reach her before she takes too many steps on her own. One night I didn’t make it […]
The heaviness that settled over my chest that morning was as dense as my husband’s weighted blanket tangled around my feet. I kicked off the covers but the anxiety wouldn’t lift. It was one week into the Coronavirus crisis that had settled over our country like a dense fog. It started on a normal Thursday […]
For the first year and a half, I called out her name. Over and over again, I would startle myself awake once I had barely fallen asleep. My arm would shoot out from my body in a desperate attempt to stop her, to catch her, to convince her to stay—the shout of her name went […]
The word appeared fully formed in my brain as I sought an adequate description for this sense of emotional paralysis. Winter. I rolled it around on my tongue, playing free-association word solitaire. Winter is cold. Winter is dark. Winter might be beautiful, but it’s dangerous. Winter scenes offer hauntingly lonely images of stark black branches […]
Today, the simple gray sock I hold in my hand becomes my new best friend. It must be magic; because here I am, just minding my own business, moving through this mundane laundry chore, when I come across this sock and feel it unlock a door deep within me. I am suddenly slingshotted back in […]
On the night before my grandmother died, a tornado struck Mills County. You can always tell when it’s on the way; just slip your hand behind the sash and press your nose against the screen. Can you hear the echo of sparrows? Do you smell the sweet- ness of rain? Then draw in your […]
Time pushed on and life bulldozed through my plans with all of its cruelty and loss and horrors, I allowed myself the space to think and grieve. Those ‘quiet times’ shifted into crying times. And the tears poured and poured and poured.
I am alone And its ok. For 30 years I had four breathing beings tugging at me, (*five if you count my husband **six if you count my mother who lived with us for ten years) at my sleeve, at my knee, at times at my throat). ((at my throat because three of the beings […]
How Do We Know When We’re Done Forgiving? Dear Portia, What does forgiveness look like when you work through the process and do your best, but either the offender never acknowledges their sin or they continue to offend? Not asking about boundaries, that’s pretty clear to me, but how do we know when we’re done? […]
“If you want Elita to throw anything away, just tell her it causes cancer.” This was the advice a friend gave my husband, Mark, when we first got married. It was true. I had once thrown away a whole box of scented candles and a series of scratched Teflon frying pans because someone had told […]