Fog rolled in last summer, hovering outside my window above the Puget Sound for weeks. It obscured what is familiar, the landscape of the everyday. I could not see two feet beyond its heavy curtain. In the distance a foghorn bellowed, “I am here” to boats, creatures, people displaced by limited vision. From the shoreline […]
The Burden of Discernment
When I first became a Christian, I saw portentous signs everywhere. Unable to find a parking space? God was directing me elsewhere. Mysterious feeling when I see a person? God must want me to witness to them. A strong emotion during a song? God must have a special message for me. I saw meaning in […]
What We Waive
Here, between the corners of this flat, concrete square— is the crushing weight of contradiction, everywhere: Cameras, hidden, in pedestrian plain sight. One guard pats me down at the fence with steely, cold precision— while a second scolds a tiny toddler squeezing through another. (The one that protects the towering monument above from an onslaught […]
The Gentleness of Dusk and Dawn
The Longing Arms Emptiness filled now and spilling when arms hold and hush the long anticipated one- sweet love requited. Did I know how empty they were- my arms, heart- before you? You laughed at the emptiness and swallowed it whole. …of the wind she is, a soft kiss mystery come alive […]
To Grieve and Grow
“I’m gonna need you to sing a little louder,” Paul said with a flirtatious grin. “Or I’ll have to move you closer so I can hear you.” He grabbed the sides of my chair and gently pulled me forward until my body filled the space between his long, bony legs. He softly picked the tune […]
Podcast: How Shattered Expectations Lead to Hope with Tatyana Claytor
Native Bermudian Tatyana Claytor is a writer, academic, and mother of four. A navigator of multiple cultures and life experiences, Tatyana meets us in The Mudroom today for a discussion on how expectations shape us and our perception of God. Lean in for her extraordinary story . . . http://mudroomblog.com/how-relational-expectations-shape-our-vision-of-god/ Tatyana’s Website: https://tatyanastable.com/ Links to Tatyana on the […]
Opening to a New Way to Bloom
Early in the healing process of a severe manic episode related to my bipolar disorder, I felt the nudge and a voice I believed to be God’s. I heard, “I want you to share your story. This story you are living now.” The only emotion I felt was terror. I quaked in my sneakers as […]
How Relational Expectations Shape our Vision of God
Editor’s Note: Catch our recent conversation with Tatyana, where she unpacks more about expectations in the context of her own incredible story, on The Mudroom Podcast. Click here. For good or for bad, the relationships we have in our lives create our image of God. These include the important ones like our parents, spouses, and […]
A Procedure for a Clean Heart
I did not have any idea what to expect. Anticipation of the unknown filled me with fear. My body trembled uncontrollably. Unsure if the shivers were from the cold, metal table or from the overwhelming dread, a tear formed on my left cheek. The kind nurse wiped it away. “It’s alright […]
The Unlived Life
You go there. I do too, sometimes. Here’s mine: I’m in a packed-out bar sitting at a table, elbow-to-elbow, with my closest friends. The burly man on stage does tap-“check-check” as he tiptoes around some electric guitars, an upright piano, maybe even a few drums, and then slips into the spotlight. “C’mon down!” he proclaims […]
Jesus on My Street
The very credentials these people are waving around as something special, I’m tearing up and throwing out with the trash—along with everything else I used to take credit for. And why? Because of Christ. Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privilege of […]
#Wait(ing) in Expectation-Broken I Came to the Cross
“I accept that for now, my life is to be lived in the crucible, a hard but beautiful place where He leads me away from the world in order to draw me near to Him.”
Podcast: Through Thorns of Belonging
The walk on the narrow path towards belonging means scraping past a million thorny thickets. Writer and poet Prasanta Verma feels your pain. She meets us in The Mudroom after navigating the twists, turns, and pinpricks of belonging in ways few of us can imagine. Join us, today, for a way forward on the path […]
Of Thorns and Skin
Listen to the audio recording of Prasanta’s words here, or read her piece below: Of Thorns and Skin Your Task Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.* A long wind brushes its fingers through the trees […]
Seasons of Community
The summer sun is high, although the afternoon clock inches toward six. The sprinkler water play in my front yard has turned into mud soup creations. I watch my children as they gather ingredients with the neighbor kids. Buckets hold their pulled-up weeds and mud. Garden tools turn into mixing spoons. I yell towards the […]
The Time Has Come to Cross
You know it well, don’t you? That feeling of inhabiting two worlds, not fully in either. One foot is still firmly planted in the place you are leaving, while another is itching to propel you forward. You are at the threshold and somehow you are stuck. These days I feel it in a lot of […]