Disagreeing with Myself and the lies we tell

I talk to myself a lot. It’s the joy of being an introvert. When I stop to think about it though more than talking to myself I disagree with myself. I talk down to myself and I question my actions almost on a daily level. I disagree, I second guess and I never come out […]

Debating Theology with My Younger Self

I have often wondered what my twenty-year-old self who was a relatively new Christian, but a zealous one, would think about me now. I imagine that girl would think I was a heathen, a back-slider, someone who traded the real Gospel and clear biblical teachings for a social Gospel. Horror of horrors! Nevertheless, I have […]

Always Listening

It’s so much to take in—the cacophony of sounds that is never-ending in this place. There is never silence in our swelling, overcrowded city. The sounds are becoming familiar to our Western ears these days. Allahu Akbhar. The musical nature of the call the prayer lulls the children to sleep. Briing. Briing. We have come […]

Belief

The many tunnels honeycomb me in one by one, I become frozen in deep blue. I become noisy as a bee cloud. I become holy like a rooted tree.   The many tunnels open me into their skin,   to see the golden lamp, a golden calf reborn. To believe in the candle who outweighs, […]

The Complexity of Desire

Desire is sometimes a complicated thing. Author Jen Pollock Michel writes in Teach Us to Want, “How can we ever decide that our desires are anything other than the sin-sick expression of our inner corruption? Can we trust our desires if we ourselves can be so untrustworthy?” Indeed.  There have been seasons in my life […]

Faith Is Figuring Life Out

Who’s to say I came out of the womb triumphant and beckoning, suckling sunlight and justice with indignant power, bewildered eyes ablaze to teach and be taught, or renting immaculate spaces with poise and unconscious infatuation. Suppose the wind coughed me out into this new world and then made me stand up and become my […]

When Healing Doesn’t Come

Healing. It’s such a tender word, soft even on the tongue. It sounds like what it is—purposeful, lovely, complete. It’s something I’ve longed for every day for the last two decades. And yet no matter how much I’ve prayed or ached, I am still not fully healed. I developed trichotillomania—a hair-pulling condition—as a child. Twenty-odd […]

The Middle of the Wilderness

In the dreaded five minutes of saying hello to my neighbor every Sunday, I know we’ll come to a point where I’ll be asked the questions, “What brought you here? Why did you move?” I give them the one second answer to why we uprooted our lives in Las Vegas to move back to Southern […]

Prayer Made Sense When Henrí Nouwen Told Me to Give Up

My oldest son, who is almost five, carries a sea turtle stuffed animal with him just about everywhere he goes. Sea turtle chats with the lobsters at the supermarket, goes down the slide at the playground, and provides a comfortable conversation starter when he’s surrounded by adults and other children at church. With sea turtle […]