“The Mudroom is a place for the stories emerging in the midst of the mess.” ~ The Mudroom Right now I feel like I’m living in a mess. There are so many demands, a lot of which I put on myself, voices in my head telling me what I must do. Get rid of the clutter. You should […]
I’m a reformed cutter. But last night was a close one. I read an article that triggered me. My heart raced. My head dizzied. My insides huddled up and chanted. And I crawled into bed early, wanting only to curl up and cope. Thoughts of cutting came to mind. Since the rest of the house […]
I can feel the tears And this time I’m trying really hard to stay near You But I can feel the water behind my eyes Sometimes making it hard for me to see You. I can feel the waves of doubt Hitting me like bullets in a windstorm And I’m squinting my eyes Trying […]
I am good at loving. I’m quick with encouraging words and enthusiasm, as in “I LOVE your new haircut and the way you’re bravely stepping into something new.” I’m well practiced at keeping my circle wide and my hands open, so that I can welcome you to our dinner table or offer to help when […]
I recently found out that my uterus is filled with tumors – benign tumors, but tumors nonetheless. I am one of many women who suffer with fibroids, a condition that is extremely prevalent among women of color. I am currently waiting for my six month check up to have a repeat ultrasound that will help […]
I pass by the holy water font without pausing, fifty-three years of reflex gone. I slide into a pew tucked in the back corner of the cavernous church, an arm’s reach from the flickering votive candles. An arm’s reach from the nearest exit. It was not always thus between you and I. I spent hours […]
“Lord, what should I give up for Lent?” “Don’t give up anything. How about you just do what I’ve been telling you to do? Write.” He could’ve said anything—TV, social media, carbs, coffee, and as much as it would’ve been hard to give those up for a while, it would’ve been okay—easier even—than to obey […]
Recently I sat some friends down, individually, and confessed. I felt embarrassed and ashamed and terrifyingly exposed. These women know my life and my brokenness. They didn’t know how present the sin has become, how intrusive, oppressive, and persistent the temptation. I know what happens when you “give the devil a foothold,” I know about the sin “crouching at […]
The hardest part of the trip for me wasn’t the twenty-four hours of travel it took to arrive. It wasn’t the food or culture shock or the bone-deep exhaustion of jet lag. I traveled halfway around the globe to discover the hardest thing was the same struggle I have at home: Believing my small offering […]
His chocolate-brown eyes glitter with such an innocent joy that I can’t help but scoop him up in my arms. At four, my son still has a touch of baby in him that allows him to come running to me when hurt and lets me lie next to him until he falls asleep. But he’s […]
I slammed a door this morning. On purpose. Somehow, someway, it seemed better to take my frustration out on an inanimate wooden object than to yell or scream or pummel my fists in the air, Billy Blanks, two-year-old tantrum-style. Really, the messiness of my morning is a confession of sorts. It’s my way of telling […]
Holy God: Creator of stars and seasons, sun and moon, of the high tides that sweep the shore, of the low tides that leave gaps and pools, rocks and sea glass, and all matter of empty spaces—to you I pray. It’s another dark winter morning, and I confess that I find it hard to see […]
Let me just let you know up front: God isn’t asking you to bleed out. I do not believe that God is asking you to just sit there and take it, whatever it is. God is not asking you to bleed out slowly as you turn pale and feel the life slowly leaking out of […]
When I begin to get overwhelmed with the state of the world, my first impulse is to pull my soft, fluffy white duvet around me and settle in with a good book. I want to hide. The only problem is I have four small children that need things like food, shelter and clothing, and a […]
The book I use for daily prayer, The Divine Hours, includes a lot of confessions, like this classic: Almighty God, my heavenly Father: I have sinned against you, through my own fault, in thought, and word, and deed, and in what I have left undone. I wince almost every time I read this prayer. It’s […]