Happy Birthday, Mudroom! Today marks the 8th birthday of The Mudroom, which came into being in my mind in 2014. I was part of the now-defunct Influence Network, founded by Zondervan authors Jess Connolly and Hayley Morgan, who believed in my vision and sponsored our domain the first year. I wanted it to be a […]
Desire
Episode 11: How Our Longing Lead Us Home With Tammy Perlmutter
Our guest at The Mudroom today is Tammy Perlmutter, Founder and Curator of this space, and—among so many other things–our resident expert on longing. Tammy’s journey is a mixture of heartbreak and hope—including childhood abuse—so we want to issue a trigger warning here. But, as Tammy expresses here, there is also God’s beautiful redemption arc—and for her, […]
I Wrap Myself
I wrap myself Adding the layer someone else gave to me Tossed it on me to hide; hide what they didn’t like Did I let them pick up my loose limbs and shove me into something new? Something to be worn like it was meant for me Fitting to my body One new layer over […]
Episode 10: When We Listen to Our Longings
Sarah Guerrero’s Journey Through Feasting The religion that I had grown up with was a religion of rules and do’s and don’ts. These are the steps you take to be a good person; this is what you do to show that you love Jesus; this is what you don’t do to show that you don’t […]
The Solitude of Longing
The word long seems to pervade December. A long year is coming to a close. The longest night of the year makes our hearts anxious for the dawn. We celebrate the birth of our long-expected Jesus. We long for the crisp beginning of a new year. When Advent arrives, we long for the second coming […]
Why are you in the Queue?
Here in the queue, time stands still, like the rest of us— whispering of a million things to do but THIS. I ignore her taunts for the brush with greatness I’ll find at this line’s end. A man ahead of me presses for some Marlboros. The one after inches forward with a six-pack of microbrews. […]
The Unlived Life
You go there. I do too, sometimes. Here’s mine: I’m in a packed-out bar sitting at a table, elbow-to-elbow, with my closest friends. The burly man on stage does tap-“check-check” as he tiptoes around some electric guitars, an upright piano, maybe even a few drums, and then slips into the spotlight. “C’mon down!” he proclaims […]
Complication and Contentment
My first place was a two-bedroom apartment with a little porch that overlooked the lush green of Richmond, Virginia. I was a single mom of a curious two-year-old, so an apartment on the third floor added an extra layer of complication to my coming and going, but I preferred the inconvenience over the sound of […]
Unrequited Horse
I wanted a horse. I wanted a lot of things and I never reached for them. I wanted to study in Mexico for a semester (too much effort?). I wanted to switch majors and train orcas and dolphins at Sea World (this was before Blackfish). I wanted to win a debate trophy. When I was […]
Naming Your Longing, Not Always Getting It: A Lesson from Advent
My daughters vie each night to flick the BIC lighter for our Advent candles. They know it may be another twelve months before they’re allowed to touch it again. Likely, next year, we’ll also spend four weeks reading Bible stories and proclaiming “Come, Lord Jesus, come!” Each Advent, we name our longing for Jesus’ second […]
Is Love Worth the Pain?
For the first year and a half, I called out her name. Over and over again, I would startle myself awake once I had barely fallen asleep. My arm would shoot out from my body in a desperate attempt to stop her, to catch her, to convince her to stay—the shout of her name went […]
Waiting For the Thaw
The word appeared fully formed in my brain as I sought an adequate description for this sense of emotional paralysis. Winter. I rolled it around on my tongue, playing free-association word solitaire. Winter is cold. Winter is dark. Winter might be beautiful, but it’s dangerous. Winter scenes offer hauntingly lonely images of stark black branches […]
Waiting Without
I am bad at waiting. There is no getting around it. I wish I could tell you differently. I wish I had learned by now the grace of quietness, of stillness, of patience, but alas those marks of my growth in godliness come in fits and starts, sluggish to take deep root. They are the […]
My Ricocheting Heart
Today, the simple gray sock I hold in my hand becomes my new best friend. It must be magic; because here I am, just minding my own business, moving through this mundane laundry chore, when I come across this sock and feel it unlock a door deep within me. I am suddenly slingshotted back in […]
Especially the Bed
Last summer, my friend Heather and I were on a bike ride and met up with her friend, Todd. It was a beautiful day and we decided to sit and have a beer together on the outdoor patio of a restaurant. I had recently separated from my husband and during our conversation, Todd asked what […]
More
I’m in the city that never sleeps, and neither can I. Fifty-eight floors above are surely enough to free me from the fray below. But even way up here I can’t escape the truth that me and this metropolis are soulmates. Because in spite of every virtuous reason it shouldn’t, like this place my heart […]
It’s Authentic to Name Yourself
Drawing people is a jigsaw puzzle. You look at the photograph of the woman with the pixie cut and the flowing dress, her arms improbably easy as she falls through the air, and then you look past the whole for the parts. I start with the head, the slim cap of her hair, the eyes […]
Singleness & the Myth of Scarcity
“I’ve never known a love like this.” The refrain often found below posts of diamond rings and starry-eyed kisses. A declaration in the midst of thoughtful vows said in white dresses with peonies as far as the eye can see. “I’ve never known a love like this.” Printed on picture frames with tiny squishy baby […]