The Hard Fought Battle for Contentment

He stared at my back in the queen size bed we share. The inches between us loomed like a brick wall lined with barbed wire. I sobbed. He sighed. He must have felt as helpless as I did. I suffered under a border blockade which prohibited the entry of petrol, propane, and essential goods in […]

Crossing the Skies and Seas

What would you give up to finally have running water in your house? Would you give up your spring break? Would you fly into a winter storm and ride an open boat on the ocean in 8 degrees holding your pregnant belly and hugging your three small children, cinching them close to keep from freezing? […]

I’ll Carry You

I told a story last week about how God was teaching me to trust on an ordinary weekday morning watching a swim lesson, but I didn’t give it the ending I wanted. I wanted to say how I knew it would all be okay, how I was ready to jump. I have been following Jesus […]

All You Need to Do Is Jump

Each morning, for the past five weeks, I get my three daughters up at 7am for their swim lessons. Bleary eyed they change into their swimsuits, grab a change of clothes, and eat a protein bar on the thirty-minute drive to the pool where they take lessons. All week they look forward to “Friday Fun […]

Where I Am Today

I can feel the tears And this time I’m trying really hard to stay near You But I can feel the water behind my eyes Sometimes making it hard for me to see You.   I can feel the waves of doubt Hitting me like bullets in a windstorm And I’m squinting my eyes Trying […]

Straining for the Light

For a long time the threat of a new year brought with it an onslaught of more darkness, more enervating melancholy, more long, gray days ahead to suffer through. It was nothing to celebrate.  At the end of one of those especially difficult years I met Alece Ronzino online. She too had experienced a year (or more!) like […]

When Your Birth is the Slow Kind

I have a book that I’ve been writing for a thousand years. (Are you really a thousand years old, you ask? Is that unnecessary hyperbole?) Oh, hush. I am. I must be, because I am quite sure that this book has taken me that long.  A thousand years, yesterday. That makes me a thousand and a day, today. […]

Emmanuel and Showing Up

The first few days of Advent, I felt irrationally angry. I tried to call it irritable or easily annoyed, but when I sat down to dig through it all what I found was anger. Advent is an invitation to the waiting, and frankly, I would like to decline. No thanks. Can’t come. Wish I could […]

The Power of Enduring

It’s Thanksgiving. I’ve been cycling through this mixed state of hypomania and depression all Fall. Relief came at the beginning of the month, like a release on a pressure valve, giving my mind and lungs the room I needed to breathe and just . . . be again. The cycling has slowed but has not […]

Just Like Riding a Bike

Four years ago a teen-aged boy pointed a gun at me while demanding I give him my money. It was a sunny Saturday afternoon in Oakland, California. I was standing at the flagpole in front of the elementary school where I’d recently been assigned to teach. My husband Chris and I had ridden our bikes […]

Free to Be Me

It’s been awhile since I’ve experienced it: vulnerability hangover. It’s a term Brene Brown coined for that feeling of, “Did I just share too much? Is she going to think I’m way too much of a mess?” It’s enough to make you throw up a little. But I felt that vulnerability hangover the other morning. […]

Why Does Twitter Terrify Me?

Why does using my words terrify me so much? Let’s start out with a confession: Twitter terrifies me. I got my handle a few years ago. The day my friend Melissa explained to me how she manages her twitter account, makes lists, what she posts, and what a hashtag is, my heart thudded in my […]