When You Don’t Want to Tell

When I fail, there is a 100 percent chance I do not want to tell my husband. I want to hide. Like Eve, I scramble for leaves to cover myself. By “fail” I don’t mean I cheat on him—well, not directly anyway. It’s more in the Matthew 5:28 way where Jesus says, “anyone who even […]

A Letter From Your Wife, A Survivor

Dear Husband, I need you to know, my heart breaks for you, it breaks for us. I wish I could have been perfect for you. I wish that these hurts, these scars would have healed better. Because I know you have never hurt me like those in my past have. I know you are not […]

When a Personality Test Says Your Marriage is “Volatile”

I grew up on Myers-Briggs, proud of my status as an INFJ: thoughtful, deep, empathetic, goal-oriented. It was a pleasant discovery to find my husband was an INTJ; we had so much in common. Big ideas! Need for quiet! Thoughtful and driven! Yet, I would melt into a puddle of tears that he couldn’t understand. […]

Unity through Grace

It was May 9, 2005, and Patrick and I were ten days into our marriage. We had an overnight layover in London on the way home from our honeymoon. As soon as we got off the plane, we had a disagreement about where we should spend the night. We tried my suggestion first, but it […]

Disappointment: A Holy Invitation

Months before my husband and I went away for our tenth anniversary, I began to fantasize about the celebratory getaway. We would eat dinners by candlelight, give each other extravagant presents, walk along the beach reminiscing about our wonderfulness, and of course, make love each night. As Christopher has learned, I’m fluent in all five […]

The Hard Fought Battle for Contentment

He stared at my back in the queen size bed we share. The inches between us loomed like a brick wall lined with barbed wire. I sobbed. He sighed. He must have felt as helpless as I did. I suffered under a border blockade which prohibited the entry of petrol, propane, and essential goods in […]

Love Is a Battlefield

This morning I sat down with my coffee and some old photos with no other intention than to reminisce. Today marks 14 years of marriage for my husband and I, and to celebrate, I decided to take a little trip down memory lane. Because if there’s one game in life I enjoy more than “Name […]

Your Marriage Doesn’t Have to Look Like Anyone Else’s

I think my picture of what marriage would look like was some combination of my parents’ marriage and every 1990’s rom-com I’d ever seen. We’d have clear his-and-hers roles based on how my parents did everything, because hey, it’s still working for them, and we’d cuddle every night and fall asleep with our arms and […]

The Truth of Loneliness

I remember a show where a magician betrays his sacred order, and with a heavy shadow disguising his face, spills the secrets of his magic. The secrets of marriage are far more closely guarded. You won’t catch many people admitting to how much sex they have or don’t have. Most wives wisely caption their social […]