I am grateful, even at my most distracted. Petulant, distant, or disagreeable, God is faithful. In these times (when I am a mess), I am reminded of God’s goodness, and the ways God works.
As a way of centering me, as a way of recapturing my attention, God has recently been answering prayers I dared not ask. The prayers we cannot utter, those we fear to lift, yet God hears and answers. In Silence.
Today, I spend time in silence.
I spend time in silence as a result of my inability to rest. I attempt to do so much with so little (rest), that my cup gets empty, and I begin to break down. A sore throat has me keeping peace these days. I need to do better; I never quite remember to slow down until it’s too late. Late is better than not at all.
I am trying to learn. I seem to learn the hard way. It is in these times I acknowledge that, too tired to get in God’s way, His path is cleared to move.
Let me restate.
I have learned that when I am too weary to rely upon my own perceived strength (as it all belongs to God), the scales fall away from my eyes in time to see God move. Let me be clear…God moves whether I am in the way or not; it’s just that I am learning to get out of the way.
The inevitable consequence of my continual failure to get out of God’s way is to be quieted and moved. Quiet and moved (by God’s Hand) is not my favorite way to take a lesson.
And now we enter Advent.
I am experiencing Advent as an object lesson. It is time to give God my Undivided Attention, lest it be directed elsewhere. And to recapture my attention? This, read in this morning’s daily devotion, done mid-afternoon because…
Advent is a season for having our gaze gently but firmly redirected. A time to abandon all the shiny distractions that have turned our heads. A call to give our undivided attention to the one who is arriving any minute now, the one who has something vitally important to communicate to us, the one who will not be ignored.
The One Who Will Not Be Ignored. The One Who Always Knows. The Everlasting. The One With Whom Nothing Compares. Who Moves in Silence.
So back to those prayers I dared not speak…
Lately, there have been big needs I dared not articulate. I am grateful that my truest needs are always met. I could desire more, but at the risk of acknowledging that I should seek contentment and ask to be a better steward, I ask not. However…
God speaks to me in ways that confirm my understanding that we are connected, that I am known, that I am dearly beloved.
And once God acquired my undivided attention, I received such a blessing. A blessing so personal, so tailored to my needs, that it could only have come from On High.
And what is the fruit of this blessing? The lesson that I will try to fight less, and yield sooner. Until then, I share with you my personal, very human Advent prayer, lifted in silence…
Weary must be how You want me
so I can’t get in Your way.
Lord, please give me Grace for one more day.