“Merry Christmas!” She stood at my dorm room door with a gift in her hand. It was an unexpected surprise and delight. My friend wanted me to open it right at that moment. I tore off the wrapping paper and there was a book. It was a book about loneliness. She looked at me, curiously […]
Relationships
The Growing Uncomfortable Edge
I am untethered, unmoored, unrecognizable to myself. My husband passed away in a hiking accident, and life is altered on every level. I feel disoriented, trying to make sense of my disassembled life—like lying on the couch and watching TV sideways. Everything has changed, and my brain has yet to catch up to it all. […]
Wrestling with God
You’re limping, people say as I approach with my irregular gait. Oh yes, I answer. I have been wrestling with God. Wrestling with lost relationships. Wrestling with grief that keeps arising. Wrestling with change in my dwelling places. Wrestling with shifting family dynamics. Wrestling with changes in my body as I age. Wrestling with […]
Lost Girl
I can’t smell it, as a pack of coyotes do when they corner trembling prey. But I can always see fear. It swept across her face like a time-lapsed eclipse: First, panic in those tiny, azure eyes. Then the floodgates burst forth. Tears barreled down her cheekbones and mingled with stray, blond hairs that matted […]
Let’s make family genius
Lately, I’ve been obsessed with the word “genius.” I’ve always thought a genius was a person who’s both extremely smart and spectacularly innovative. Pablo Picasso. Roman Polanski. Erwin Schrödinger. A genius is a person who single-handedly transforms our ideas of art, story, or science. And then I started researching creativity and that inspiring image got […]
I’m Sad I Can’t Watch TV
Here are my TV and movie rules, as I understand them: No lying, at least not sustained lying. It’s okay to fib occasionally, but if someone is “going undercover” or “pretending to be someone they’re not,” I’m done. No fantasy. No sci-fi. Let’s have the universe operate under the known rules, which are already unpredictable, […]
Something Big and Real Inside
I set up my kids’ nursery with Winnie the Pooh décor. It wasn’t much, really—just a comforter and crib bumper. I used the same set in the crib and linens with all of my children. In later years, I read the stories of Winnie the Pooh and Christopher Robin aloud to my kids. Despite the […]
A Look at the Last EIGHT Years!
Happy Birthday, Mudroom! Today marks the 8th birthday of The Mudroom, which came into being in my mind in 2014. I was part of the now-defunct Influence Network, founded by Zondervan authors Jess Connolly and Hayley Morgan, who believed in my vision and sponsored our domain the first year. I wanted it to be a […]
The Starting Line: The Journey Begins
The South African word ubuntu loosely translates, “I am because we are,” and highlights how our lives are deeply intertwined and impacted by one another. Without ubuntu, individualism, possessiveness, and self-centeredness are the order of the day. We need support from others, especially as we grapple with issues around race, equity, belonging, reconciliation, and revolution. […]
The Feast of Friendship
I know it’s coming, but I’m not prepared. Fill in the blank with “it.” It could be dinnertime each day. I’m not prepared to answer the daily question, “What’s for dinner?” “It” could be the next difficult season up ahead, or it could the wildest season of joy. Why do I assume it will […]
Cooking and the Feeding of Our Souls
First published July 13, 2016. I’m becoming my mother. Whenever she comes to visit us, her greatest ambition is to cook for our family. She asks which of her Korean homemade dishes we’d like to eat, and even prior to her stay she prepares in advance by shopping for groceries we can’t find locally. She’s […]
The Gentleness of Dusk and Dawn
The Longing Arms Emptiness filled now and spilling when arms hold and hush the long anticipated one- sweet love requited. Did I know how empty they were- my arms, heart- before you? You laughed at the emptiness and swallowed it whole. …of the wind she is, a soft kiss mystery come alive […]
Podcast: What Are You Afraid Of?
Season 1, Episode 4 Catherine McNiel is asking this question of herself and others: “What are you afraid of?” Why, she asks, are we, as Christ-followers, often taught to fear our neighbors, withhold hospitality from strangers, and vilify the “others”–those whose beliefs, appearances, and lives look different than our own and perceive them as a […]
How Do I Stay in the Church?
Sitting cross-legged in front of my boombox, I pressed “rewind” on the tape deck, carefully navigating to the right spot on the cassette. The radio was tuned to the Top 40 and I was dying to capture my favorite songs when they aired. Once my cassette tape was queued up, I sat and listened for […]
Podcast: Soul Care and Transformative Power
We interviewed Suzanne about her new book, The Journey Toward Wholeness: Enneagram Wisdom for Stress, Balance, and Transformation, published by InterVarsity Press. It was such a beautiful time with her and we know you all will love it!! Suzanne Stabile is a highly sought-after speaker, teacher, and internationally recognized Enneagram master teacher who has taught thousands of […]
Podcast: The Gifts of Liminal Space
We interviewed Suzanne about her new book, The Journey Toward Wholeness: Enneagram Wisdom for Stress, Balance, and Transformation, published by InterVarsity Press. It was such a beautiful time with her and we know you all will love it!! Suzanne Stabile is a highly sought-after speaker, teacher, and internationally recognized Enneagram master teacher who has taught thousands of […]
Obey: a Four-Letter-Word
OBEY. It’s a four-letter word—at least, that’s how I think of it. I associate this word with punishment, negative emotions, consequences, rigidity, and legalism. The word itself makes me cringe at times. It feels autocratic and one-sided, as in a command that also means, “Do what I say.” The word itself feels cold and authoritative. […]
The Lens of Wisdom
I found out I was pregnant on a scorching July morning, one month before my senior year of high school. Swim team would begin practicing soon. I had a college tour scheduled later that week, senior pictures the following week, and I’d already chosen the ten classics required for my honors English class. Pregnancy was […]