…to be loved by God, not merely pitied, but delighted in as an artist delights in his work or a father in a son—it seems impossible, a weight or burden of glory which our thoughts can hardly sustain. But so it is. (C.S. Lewis) I experienced the impossible in the twilight of a morning. […]
Grief
How Sweet the Sound
A box sits in the corner of the fellowship hall at church – a milk crate labeled with a laminated page that reads “Lost and Found”. The box overflows with forgotten things gathering dust. Every once in a while someone will empty the contents onto a table with the vain hope that the sippy cups, […]
The Growing Uncomfortable Edge
I am untethered, unmoored, unrecognizable to myself. My husband passed away in a hiking accident, and life is altered on every level. I feel disoriented, trying to make sense of my disassembled life—like lying on the couch and watching TV sideways. Everything has changed, and my brain has yet to catch up to it all. […]
Wrestling with God
You’re limping, people say as I approach with my irregular gait. Oh yes, I answer. I have been wrestling with God. Wrestling with lost relationships. Wrestling with grief that keeps arising. Wrestling with change in my dwelling places. Wrestling with shifting family dynamics. Wrestling with changes in my body as I age. Wrestling with […]
Ascendancy: Losing My Mother & Finding My Way
To hear Chelle read her piece, click the link below. As I write this, one friend has just entered hospice care, as we anticipate the death of yet another parent. I am tired. Nevertheless, I press on. It is what I do. Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart […]
Because of You
Because of you, I yearn to be alive.Because of you, ‘till death (you) must realize.In my heart I know there is only you.And ask my heart, you’ll know that this is true. Ang hirap at pasakit, ng pusong umiibig (Tagalog): The pain and sorrows from love arise Each time I say goodbye to my […]
Will We Weep?
One clings to a flagpole. The other wades in a cistern’s mire. She, a black activist in South Carolina. He, a Jewish prophet from Jerusalem. Bree Newsome Bass climbs thirty feet from the ground. Jeremiah wallows almost as many below it. To Grieve is to Anguish, over nations who turn from God to idols of […]
Grief – Inseparable
She knocks on the front door, but she really didn’t have to. I saw her crouching there a few days ago. I can feel her presence before she announces herself. I didn’t invite her; she simply comes. She isn’t a respecter of persons; she visits you, too. She visits us all. Sometimes, I feel […]
I’m Sad I Can’t Watch TV
Here are my TV and movie rules, as I understand them: No lying, at least not sustained lying. It’s okay to fib occasionally, but if someone is “going undercover” or “pretending to be someone they’re not,” I’m done. No fantasy. No sci-fi. Let’s have the universe operate under the known rules, which are already unpredictable, […]
The Mathematics of Life
“I just wanted you to know I hear you. I see you.” I received this voice message from a friend in response to a long, rambling complaint I sent the day before. “In walking with people through grief and loss, I’ve recognized how powerless I am to rescue anyone, said Aubrey Sampson. “And I’ve been […]
River Untamed
Walk slowly along the path this morning. Listen to the soft collapse of dry earth and loosened rocks under the wasted rubber soles of shoes deeply imprinted by the bones of tired feet.. The pathway and the riverbed are dry today. Dry rocks, like Elijah’s dry bones, cry out for water, for life – for […]
The Good Catastrophe
And Joseph took the body and wrapped it in a clean linen cloth, and laid it in his own new tomb, which he had hewn out in the rock; and he rolled a large stone against the entrance of the tomb and went away. And Mary Magdalene was there, and the other Mary, sitting […]
Soul Sifting
My heart sank into my stomach as I stared at the familiar face on my computer screen. Her eyebrows lifted, likely wondering if my feed had frozen again. But my internet connection was working fine. I forced myself to take a deep breath as the word my therapist, Callie, had just spoken echoed in the […]
The Starting Line: The Journey Begins
The South African word ubuntu loosely translates, “I am because we are,” and highlights how our lives are deeply intertwined and impacted by one another. Without ubuntu, individualism, possessiveness, and self-centeredness are the order of the day. We need support from others, especially as we grapple with issues around race, equity, belonging, reconciliation, and revolution. […]
Episode 11: How Our Longing Lead Us Home With Tammy Perlmutter
Our guest at The Mudroom today is Tammy Perlmutter, Founder and Curator of this space, and—among so many other things–our resident expert on longing. Tammy’s journey is a mixture of heartbreak and hope—including childhood abuse—so we want to issue a trigger warning here. But, as Tammy expresses here, there is also God’s beautiful redemption arc—and for her, […]
Podcast: When Christmas Hurts with Abby Ball
It’s here!!! Our podcast interview with Abby Ball on her new Advent devotional Contemplating Christmas: An Advent Devotional For Finding Hope in the Dark. “Part of my heart for this book is for those people who find Christmas continues to be hard. So you might not be single like I was. For you, it may […]
The Recipe of Me
We are noisy, we cousins gathered around the long wooden table smack in the middle of the restaurant. Melissa leans over our shoulders to place multiple plates of fresh lumpia down in the center. We clamor over each other, elbows flying, to grab the freshly fried spring rolls between our fingers and dip them into […]
Prepare the Table
Preparations and Feast We start early. Dressed in layers that reflect the cool spring morning, and the day of feasting to come. Waiting for the sun to rise. We are a faithful few, gathered and quiet – maybe a little impatient – steam rising from our cups, waiting. As the light blinks above the tree-line, […]