Like so many others, I am following the developments in Dallas, Minneapolis, Baton Rouge, Kansas City and Florida, And I know that there will be fingers pointed. I could point my finger at the police, who disproportionately kill unarmed black men, who are seven times as likely as white men to die at the hands of police. […]
Freedom
I Failed to Become the Perfect Spouse
The last night of my honeymoon, almost fifteen years ago, I set an alarm to wake us up for our first day back at work—and started to cry. “Our honeymoon is over,” I wailed. “Things have been so great so far, but this has been the easy part. What will happen when things get harder?” […]
On “Racial Reconciliation” and “Getting Your Cousins”
“Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection…” -Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., “Letter from a Birmingham Jail”, 1963 Reconcile: to cause people or groups to become friendly again after an argument or disagreement (Merriam-Webster Dictionary) […]
When I Rejected God’s Forgiveness
“Hi, I’m Miah, and I struggle with guilt and shame.” Sometimes restoration has to start at the very bottom of the muck. For as long as I could remember, I struggled with guilt and shame. This was probably a combination of perfectionism, fundamentalism, and a need to please others. Many days (and nights) were spent […]
I’m Ready to Lighten the Heck Up
My first time in any serious therapy, my counselor told me I was depressed. I laughed. It was kind of high-pitched, as if someone had twisted a treble knob too tight. “I’m not depressed,” I tittered. “I’m the happiest person I know! I’m happy all the time!” Thinking back to my cockeyed optimism, I wince, […]
Potholes, Speedbumps, and Messy Grace
There is a new hum in my van you can hear when I accelerate. I’m not a mechanic by any means, but from what I can tell, something got a little loose near the muffler and so now there is a vibration that rumbles through the car, reminding me I have yet another stack of […]
Embrace Your Creative Vocation
Who inspires you? When was the last time you let your imagination run wild? What gets your creative juices flowing? Over the past few years, I’ve been so removed from these questions. My life has been an endless cycle of tasks and meetings and planning for the future. Ironically, I’ve been planning for something […]
The Everyday Words
I’m not sure why it came as such a surprise to me. A few months into a period of not-writing-much-at-all, I discovered that I was suffering from what some might call writer’s block. I had gone from blogging a few times a week to a few times a month, if that. Pitches and proposals had […]
Half A Lifetime Ago
Half a lifetime ago. That’s what I realized as I was driving down the road, sunroof open, on one of the first warm spring days of the year. Before I was a mom, before I was a wife, I was just me. I worked in retail and would find myself driving the 45 minutes […]
The Weight of Perfection
Why is it so hard for us to accept responsibility? To be honest about our shortcomings and failures? Why is there so much shame around not being perfect? I kept thinking about that when the headline popped up in my Facebook news section. “Abby Wambach arrested for DUI”. And then she releases a statement. “I […]
An Offering of Grace
“The Mudroom is a place for the stories emerging in the midst of the mess.” ~ The Mudroom Right now I feel like I’m living in a mess. There are so many demands, a lot of which I put on myself, voices in my head telling me what I must do. Get rid of the clutter. You should […]
Abandoning God
We have been experiencing a bit of a thaw here in the Midwest, so the air has spring smell about it. The mud, the warmth, the melted snow, have fooled us all into thinking that spring is here. Growing up in Alaska, we generally had one thaw per year, in late April. Unlike other places […]
“Go and Sin No More” Isn’t Working for Me
I’m a reformed cutter. But last night was a close one. I read an article that triggered me. My heart raced. My head dizzied. My insides huddled up and chanted. And I crawled into bed early, wanting only to curl up and cope. Thoughts of cutting came to mind. Since the rest of the house […]
Where I Am Today
I can feel the tears And this time I’m trying really hard to stay near You But I can feel the water behind my eyes Sometimes making it hard for me to see You. I can feel the waves of doubt Hitting me like bullets in a windstorm And I’m squinting my eyes Trying […]
The Call to Let Go
Focused. I was moving up and down the aisles of Home Depot as quickly as I could. It was almost 1pm and the girls were hungry. My husband had my 2 year old, blonde curls surrounding her rounded face, and I had the squishy infant, nestled in the Ergo, head resting on my chest, waiting […]
This Is My Act of Worship
“Lord, what should I give up for Lent?” “Don’t give up anything. How about you just do what I’ve been telling you to do? Write.” He could’ve said anything—TV, social media, carbs, coffee, and as much as it would’ve been hard to give those up for a while, it would’ve been okay—easier even—than to obey […]
The Repentance Which Must Be Repented Of
Recently I sat some friends down, individually, and confessed. I felt embarrassed and ashamed and terrifyingly exposed. These women know my life and my brokenness. They didn’t know how present the sin has become, how intrusive, oppressive, and persistent the temptation. I know what happens when you “give the devil a foothold,” I know about the sin “crouching at […]
The Morning After
Today’s Free Write Friday is a simple reflection from some of our readers on Super Tuesday results. As I collected these, I was encouraged as I witnessed discourse – not fighting, but actual discourse – as they wrestled with results and candidates and beliefs, everyone holding onto hope. I. “Bite your lip and turn on […]