Fear

Four From The Night, Four From Anywhere

1. Traffic Light When I slow to a stop at the traffic light, I notice a police car flashing blue into the darkness. A few feet away, a man stuffs his hands in his pockets and leans back against a dented trunk. I stare at this man with skin like mine. This man in a […]

Bellows

  For National Poetry Month we’re reposting this amazing poem by Anita Scott. #poetrylife   Be the bellows of my soul. Be the bellows in my soul. Be the push and the blow that reconciles gaining with letting go, releasing while receiving.   Be the reason that hope lives in tears. Be the One who […]

An Open Adoption: Becoming a Hardacker

“All my problems started the day I became a Hardacker,” our daughter told our counselor. We laughed when we heard the comment. Our daughter is adopted and we have an open adoption with her birth-parents. We met them prior to her birth through an adoption agency and hit it off right away. They said we […]

The Day I Avoided Foster Ministry

I really wanted to get excited with Martha. But instead, I felt panicky. At the playground with our kids, she was telling me about a powerful sermon she heard with her husband. “The preacher pointed out that if every Christian family in the US were to adopt, there would be no children in the foster […]

Abortion: Unwanted Reality

I had two abortions. They weren’t “crisis pregnancies.” They weren’t “unplanned pregnancies.” They were simply unwanted. I was a teenaged girl living with her boyfriend, playing house. Our “unplanned pregnancies” were nothing more than “not planning ahead and being responsible pregnancies.” I didn’t use birth control. So abortion became my birth control. 1987 was the […]

When Mommy Culture Turns on Itself

It was four o’clock in the morning and already my second time awake.  My son nursed contently, so in hopes of staying lucid, I decided to hop on Facebook and click on my local mom’s group page. The first post on the group’s page wass a question to all the moms on the site—hundreds of […]

Disagreeing with Myself and the lies we tell

I talk to myself a lot. It’s the joy of being an introvert. When I stop to think about it though more than talking to myself I disagree with myself. I talk down to myself and I question my actions almost on a daily level. I disagree, I second guess and I never come out […]

How Not to Lose Your Footing on a Tilt-a-Whirl

I admit to being a bit spoiled: my husband hardly travels much for work anymore. Now, as a church planter, we practice staying put, putting down roots, being placed. (How else, can we plant an outpost for God’s kingdom if we’re always moving on?) But over the holidays, I sent him off on a plane […]

Living in the Tension of Waiting: Fear and Hope

It’s hard for me to say these days just what it is I’m waiting for.  There are so many things. If you meet me on the street, the questions seem obvious: “Oh, congratulations!  When are you due?” is second only to “Is it a boy or a girl?”  Which, funnily enough, we are waiting to […]

The Longest Day: Waiting and Longing

It was the longest day of my life. My husband, daughter, unborn granddaughter, and grandson left the safety of Mexico City early in the morning, and I would not be able to communicate with them until they crossed the United States border. It was an international drama. I wasn’t sure how this was occurring in […]

Saying Yes to My Hunger for Mystery

I felt grown-up in a borrowed pair of strappy heels and a new ivory eyelet dress, carefully chosen so it wouldn’t show through my white confirmation robe. My friends and I gathered on the church lawn to pose for pictures. After dozens of dignified shots, we flapped our arms for a silly photo, pretending the […]

Wishing Pokemon Were Real: A Story of Autism

There’s no band aid for this, no kissing it away, no telling her it will feel better tomorrow. Because it may not. Tomorrow feels very far away when she is shrieking in frustration, when she is nearly inconsolable. I can’t comfort my baby girl. No matter how many truths I tell her, no matter the amount […]